Friday 14 February 2014

The time I was a dragon

I'm a dragon.
You didn't know that already, but I am. I sleep on a pile of gold.
I also eat the weak.
Once I even ravaged a town.
It was pretty bad.
I felt super bad afterwards.
I built some barns to make up for it.
I was going to build houses, but after I had built the outside of the houses I couldn't fit inside to build the walls and floors and shit, so I said they were barns and went back to my hoard of gold.
If I'm ever in that situation again I am totally going to think that shit through.
I also ate some livestock.
Like cows and shit.
It was full on.
I didn't realise that I would eat so many.
It totally caused problems for this village.
I basically ruined their economy by snacking.
I also felt super bad about that.
It's basically shit being a dragon.
I can fly though. Which is kind of awesome.
One time I flew south for the winter just to see what it was about.
I got lost and went kind of south west.
It was alright though.
I did find out though that in the Southern hemisphere the birds fly north for the winter, because it is warmer there, so I did that the next year.
It was nice.
I had a summer holiday.
It was kind of like Magnum PI, if Higgins was a dragon.
I was Higgins.
We had fun anyway.
When I came home from my holiday though, I found that some freaking elves had stolen my hoard. I ruined their shit.
I tore their woodland shit to the ground.
I didn't even feel bad.
You don't steal from a dragon. That's dumb. That is what dumb people do.
You're pretty much just saying, 'Hey Dragon. Ruin my shit because I'm dumb.'
I don't think I should feel bad about that.

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