Wednesday 12 February 2014

The Astute Observation of Daily Ritual

Is sauce a spread? I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm going to keep putting it on sandwiches. I'm probably also going to keep putting condensed soup on sandwiches too, which puts it in a similar sort of category. That category of things I will have on a sandwich that aren't really solids. Sandwich-grade pseudo-fluids. Some of them might be actual fluids. Sauce is a fluid. Nothing pseudo about it. It's been a long time since I've had a really in depth understanding of fluids, and their membership criteria, but I'm pretty sure about sauce. If you've got me scienceyness than me, feel free to chime and educate, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what they are when they make it onto the sandwich. That's their goal. It's a hall of fame. Of sorts.

You know what is kind of like a sandwich? A hotdog! It's just a basically an abnormally shaped wiener sandwich. It's more linear. It's not abnormal for a hotdog, I mean some of them must be, but it's abnormal for a sandwich. Well, your more traditional sandwich anyway. Your longer sandwiches are more and more common these days. A Subway sandwich is still a sandwich. We don't exclude it just because it has two ends. Square sandwiches don't have that. They're squares. Squares don't have ends.

I found a hotdog last night. It was in my freezer. I was looking for something else. I was looking for ice cream. At four in the morning. I don't sleep. I knew there wasn't any ice cream. I didn't remember that there was any, I just hoped there would be somewhere in the back. There wasn't. There was a hotdog though. It was a Seven Eleven hotdog. I didn't know that was there. I moved it to the fridge bit, so that it would be easier to zap should the time come that I'm going to eat it. When the time comes, you want to be prepared.

I guess there really aren't that many rules concerning sandwiches in this day age. The modern sandwich is a varied and wonderful thing. It has come down to stuff between bread. That's pretty much the rule these days. The open sandwich tries to flaunt this rule, but it is a lie. It is the lie, and who ever wrote the menu is the perpetrator of that lie. That person who served it is an accomplice. It's a lie to take up more of the plate without delivering on that more.

Imagine if I was selling you a house, and I told you that the roof was over there somewhere, and then tried to convince you to pay more due to the increase in square footage. That's what a peddler of open sandwiches is doing to you. And they always charge more. It's a kind of fraud. It isn't a sandwich. It's bread with things on it, which doesn't make it a 'pizzette' or automatically qualify it as bruschetta either.

I'm no longer sure in which direction I was headed here. It might not of even had a thing at all to do with sandwiches, which makes the way that I started this whole thing seem more than a little strange. Now that I think about it, I had originally planned to bandy some words about in an attempt to say something astute about The Flight of the Navigator, but, well, I've just cruised right through lunchtime.

No comments :