Tuesday 18 February 2014

The Sandwich on the Orient Express, and other Mysteries

Based on Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie.

Very loosely.

Loose is probably the most important word thus far.

I found a sandwich in my fridge last night. This isn't like the hotdog situation. I actually remembered buying it once I saw it. It was pretty special though, and I think I realised that right down in the very core of who I am, I am happiest when I am finding sandwiches.

Even though I had been recently responsible for the arrival of the sandwich into my life and the fridge, it felt like magic. It brightened my entire outlook on life. The key in this particular sandwich discovery was forgetting that it was there. I'm not sure how to guarantee this in the future, but I feel like finding sandwiches is something I could do for the rest of my life.

It was at about this stage that Panda decided that this was also his calling, and also something that he should go about as Hercule Panda, the great detective. I lost a little track of how we got to the bit where he spoke with a very bad accent and solved crimes around my granny flat for the better part of three hours, but it was amusing. I also lost track of how I managed to be both the client and culprit in a number of missing foodstuff related crimes dating back months. I also apparently started the Franco-Prussian War, and am personally, and criminally, responsible for the cancellation of Quantum Leap.

I say that I was the client, because I apparently am heavily in debt for the cost of the services of the 'world renowned' Hercule Panda. A debt that I am apparently required to pay in a variety of snack based currencies. There might be some sort of exchange rate investigation in the near future.

Now, if the adventures started as a loose adaptation of the works of Agatha Christie, they were somewhere beyond 'loosely inspired by' towards the end. Despite having seen nearly every David Suchet Poirot mystery, Panda became insistent that Poirot's, and thus his own, crime solving catch phrase was a variant of 'I solved the crime with my face', and then later 'faces', as a result of the 'language barrier'.

I tried to correct him on that, but I was informed that he was in fact 'a triple panda', which he explained as a result of taking the 'pandarocity' of two other pandas, which he in turn explained by  saying, 'Like that movie Highlander. Did you see that? I'm one of those. All pandas are'.

'You're cutting the heads off pandas?'

'They're all doing it.'

'You do know they're endangered?'

'There can be only one.'


Chris Winter said...

Hercule Panda - yes! And what about the Five Little Pandas?

Jacob Henwood said...

That would've been a much better title. We've seen that one too. I'll be sure to consult on my next outing with murder mystery referencing.