Tuesday 11 March 2014

McCloud Nine

Once upon a time I made the decision not to go on a second date with someone part way through the first date. Actually, that isn't a one off. But the one particular time that I am referring to as the 'once upon a time' with which I started this paragraph was right after they had finished saying, 'Is he that Grand Designs guy? I think he is overrated and kind of idiotic.' In response I merely continued my meal. People like that can't be taught. It's hard to come back from that. I'm not that kind of wizard. I can't help these people. They're on their own.

I watch Kevin McCloud MBE and Kevin McCloud MBE related material. That is a part of who I am. I'm not likely to stop any time soon either. That is an intrinsic part of my makeup. I have the Grand Designs viewer gene. It's in there somewhere.

Have you ever seen the first episode in which you can absolutely tell that he got a haircut between the initial meeting with the couple and the next time he turned up? I have. Lots of times. I have a box set. It's one of the kit house ones. It is the first of the kit house ones. A great many followed. He likes kit houses. I do too. It's like Meccano that you get to live in, or like an Ikea cabinet that you get to live in. Either way it is a dream of mine.

I have often wondered if you could just order one of those little apartments that they build in the store. Just tick some boxes, choose a finish and then get the whole thing delivered. In a situation like that you would feel as though you had to frame the Allen keys afterwards. I would.

I like the idea of living in a prepackaged environment. I don't think I have enough individuality to really be concerned with how many other people had the same arrangement. I guess that is why I go to Ikea anyway. That and the hotdogs. Sometimes I go for the ride with other people just so I can stroll through the store and get hotdogs. As we have discussed before, I consider hotdogs to be a type of sandwich, and this brings them under a wider umbrella sandwich obsession.

I sometimes wonder if Kevin McCloud, with his background in interior design, likes Ikea, and/or their hotdogs. Or if he considers it an assault on his sensibilities. I wonder if he would do a walkthrough show with me. We could talk about the things that Ikea has available and we could eat hotdogs afterwards. Panda could come with us. A sort of journey to the place of his adoption. It wouldn't be weird. Not terribly. Maybe some level of weird. Panda is a pretty big fan. He might just stare at him and not say anything. That could be awkward.

I guess in this scenario in which Panda is staring at Kevin McCloud as we wander through Ikea I could be his sidekick. In a way. Kevin's. Not Panda's. I mean, I could be Panda's too, but for different things. Definitely Panda's when it's hotdog time. And lingonberry drink time. Flatpack gingerbread houses would be a tough call. I mean, it is basically a cookie house,which is Panda town, but it is also a kit house, which is Kevin territory.

Have you tried that lingonberry drink? I really like it, but that came with practise. Not that I rehearsed drinking it at home, because that would be just drinking. You don't drink it differently. It's like a lot of other drinks in that way. I suppose you could Swedish drink ceremony, but that is not what I am doing. I'm just drinking it. With my face. Specifically the mouth bit of my face. I know how to do that. I stuck at it for a while and it grew on me is what I am saying. It's really good with the orange flavoured one. They compliment each other. Like any two flavours of Slurpee.

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