Wednesday 12 March 2014

Okay, space trains!

I know I said that I wouldn't take you to the train related science fiction myself, but I would feel like you were out there on your own, and we've developed the kind of bond that would make me feel like if you're going to experiment with train related science fiction, I should at least be there to make sure you're okay even if it isn't my scene.

I'm going to start with Galaxy Express, which is about an actual space train. It's pretty awesome. It's by that Captain Harlock guy. Matsumoto. Leiji Matsumoto. It's basically just a space train in space on which things happen. It harks back to a great many other train related adventures in which the passengers must solve crimes, avoid danger, and are beset upon by pirates, but they're space pirates in this. Now that I think about it, that pirate thing isn't right. Well, unless the train lines were very close to the coast. They would pretty much have to go out over the coast.

The same guy did The Galaxy Railways, which is more about the people who protect the trains from the aforementioned mischief. They have their own trains in which they get about in. Space is basically full of trains as far as this guy is concerned. Maybe he is right. Maybe all those space agencies are confused. You know, NASA and the like. Well, not NASA anymore. They're out.

See, this is why I didn't want to come here. It gets weird really quickly. Space train defenders riding around in their own space trains. You can go in deeper too. There are so many layers, and you end up finding out about all of these space trains, and trains on other planets, and you're reading articles about the A-Train, which are just satellites that aren't going to run into each other, and then you're scouring the internet for lists with titles like 'A far from comprehensive list of science fiction trains that are based on real emerging technologies that are not explained properly', which I now desperately want to read (get to work internets), and next thing you know you are getting into things like this.

Actually. I'm in. That's very cool, but in this next one they've added a dinosaur. A dinosaur, people! Where do you go from there? I've subscribed, so I will know where they go from there.

Adding dinosaurs to stuff to make it better should be a thing. I guess it is a thing. That's what happened with Captain Future. I think it was The Lost World of Time. It has been an incredible amount of time since I've read any of them, but I'm mildly certain that it was somewhere in the middle, but they made it the second story in the animated series, because of dinosaurs are awesome. It also happened in the The Transformers, which was also an awesome addition. Dinosaurs are like butter. No explanation needed.

I definitely think the two most recent Star Trek television series would've benefitted from more dinosaurs. I like them, but I do think that the writers spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to justify getting the Vulcan's clothes off in Enterprise, and not nearly enough time justifying semi-borg's spray-on velour jumpsuit in Voyager. Star Trek needs not your nudity and skin tight outfits! How come it is never a super fit guy, or a middle aged woman, or the other non Star Fleet crew members?

'Hey, Phlox?'

'Yes, Captain Archer?'

'What's with the outfit?'

'I really think that it accentuates my flurgalls, don't you?'

'Probably, but it's a little tight don't you think?'

'Oh, Captain. Thank you for your concern, but neither my respiratory nor circulatory systems are in any way restricted by this ensemble. In fact my Denobulan anatomy is far more robust than that of a human, and could withstand a lycra jumpsuit of sufficient kPa to juice a Vulcan. '

'You don't own any of those do you?'

'Oh, Captain. You flatter me.'

'That's why they made me captain. That and Porthos. Captain's gotta have a dog. Star Fleet regulations.'

'I don't think that is true.'

'Yes it is, isn't Porthos? Yes. Who is the captain's good boy? It's you. It's you, isn't it? Yes.'

'Once again, captain, you flatter me. I'm just doing what I love.'

Actually, I want to flake out on this one. Hmmm. I've pretty much done that already. We're so off track at this stage. See that? I'm not sure we're heading back anytime soon. We've made it all the way through dinosaurs and Star Trek, but if it is something you're actually interested in, there is this article that talks explicitly about the locomotive in science fiction literature, and has the title 'Beyond the Tracks: The Locomotive in Science Fiction Literature', which is an informative sort of title. It's at Clarkesworld. I think that is how it is written. Just one word. No camel casing or anything. 'CamelCase' should be camel cased, just like 'compundword' should be a compound word. They should lead by example.

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